Shitpost (TV series)/K.O. Dies
K.O. Dies is the 5th episode of the second season of Shitpost, and is the 26th episode overall. Premise When Susie's favorite show is canceled, she makes K.O. pretend he is dying in order to ask the Make-A-Wish Foundation to save the show. Transcript (Opens on a shot of SUSIE sitting on the couch in the living room. She is watching the commercials on TV. After 2 seconds, the words "THE ADVENTURES OF JESUS AND THE BIBLE BUDDIES" appear on the TV in rainbow cursive text on a sky blue background, with the words "CREATED BY GOD AND FAKE ALIAS" at the bottom. Happy-go-lucky music plays as this takes place.) (PUPPYCORN walks in.) PUPPYCORN: Hey, Susie! Wanna do some (echoing sound effect) TAXES? SUSIE: I'd love to, but not right now. My favorite show is on! (PUPPYCORN walks out and K.O. nyooms in) K.O.: Favorite show, you say? Can I watch it with you? (SUSIE shrugs.) SUSIE: (nonchalantly) I don't see why not. Come here, you tiny bastard. (K.O. cheers as he hops over on the couch next to SUSIE.) (Cut to: the beginning of THE ADVENTURES OF JESUS AND THE BIBLE BUDDIES. We see a cartoon depiction of JESUS sitting on the couch.) JESUS: (on TV) Hey, Guido! GUIDO: (on TV) Yes-a, Jesus Christ? JESUS: (on TV) The toilet is clogged again. GUIDO: (on TV, looking at the viewer.) Poopsie-whoopsie! (winks) (Cut back to: SUSIE sitting on the couch laughing obnoxiously while slapping her knee.) SUSIE: (laughing hysterically) BWAHAHA! IT NEVER GETS OLD! (nudges K.O.) You enjoying this so far? (K.O. nods and smiles.) (SUSIE and K.O. continue to watch until AKIKO barges in and turns off the TV, angering SUSIE.) SUSIE: (enraged) Are you kidding me, Akiko? I haven't missed an episode of Bible Buddies yet! AKIKO: Well, you're gonna miss this one, pal. God wants you to take up cleaning his house for a week. SUSIE: But the Bible Buddies show is sacred to us, right K.O.? (K.O. nods as SUSIE says that) Jesus Christ and Guido have the kind of parent-son relationship I want me and K.O. to have someday. AKIKO: Susie, Jesus Christ and Guido are brothers. (SUSIE rolls her eyes.) SUSIE: Hey, Akiko, there's a sale on knives at the local Walmart. AKIKO: (enthusiastically) Knives?! SUSIE: Yeah! Now go buy those knives, you ghostly bastard! (AKIKO excitedly floats out the front door. SUSIE slams the door.) SUSIE: (eyeing K.O.) Okay, come on, let's watch the Bible Buddies. K.O.: You bet we will. SUSIE: In tonight's episode, Orange Cookie guest stars as a crack whore. K.O.: What's a crack whore? SUSIE: (condescendingly) Oh, do you really want to know? (SUSIE turns on the TV, only to catch a breaking news report.) NEWS ANCHOR: Breaking news! If you're settling in to watch The Adventures of Jesus Christ and the Bible Buddies, you're out of luck. That show has been canceled, and will be replaced by a repeat airing of The Guido With Tits Show. More at 11. (Cut to: SUSIE and K.O.) SUSIE: Are you SERIOUS?! K.O.: Susie, what's happening? SUSIE: I don't know for sure, but there's only one thing to do, K.O.. We gotta save Bible Buddies, and we're gonna do it! Let's roll! K.O.: I'm with you! Wait, what do are we going to do, write a letter? (Transition (K.O. being rolled around in a hospital bed from one end of the screen to another) to: a shot of SUSIE holding a phone, ready to dial a number.) K.O.: Susie, are you sure this will work? This is just like one of your many crazy schemes. SUSIE: Leave it to me and go along with it. I know what I'm doing. (SUSIE is about to dial, when LIME COOKIE interrupts.) LIME COOKIE: Susie, this is stupid! Everyone thinks their dying child is special. SUSIE: Puh-lease. I know what I'm doing. Now shoo. (SUSIE dials the Make-A-Wish Foundation.) SUSIE: (over the phone) Ah, yes. Hello. My son, K.O., only has a short time to live. All he wants is his favorite show back on TV. DUDE OVER THE PHONE: (O.S.) Favorite show, you say? We get these calls at least five times every year, and they all turn out to be fake. Please stop trying and hang up, we can see crystal clear though your shi--(cut-off abruptly for a few seconds, then resumes)--yeah. You get the point. SUSIE: (over the phone, frantic) No, no! I'm being very serious! My son has a short time to live and all he wants is his favorite show back on TV. How can you say no? DUDE OVER THE PHONE: (O.S.) We can tell you're smirking right now. You're lying! SUSIE: (over the phone) Listen here you big sack of osteoporosis, I can and will sue you if you don't make my son's wish true. Do I make myself clear?! DUDE OVER THE PHONE: (O.S.) Aw jeez, okay! We'll see what we can do, okay?! Just don't sue us! SUSIE: (over the phone) I'm telling you, K.O. is dying ten times worse than those other kids. He's got a very rare disease called ligma. MASTER FROWN: (O.S.) Sounds sexy! (SUSIE covers the speaker of the phone and sneers towards MASTER FROWN'S direction.) SUSIE: (low voice, serious) SHUT UP! I'm on the phone! (MASTER FROWN peeks out from the doorway and SUSIE releases her hand from the phone speaker.) DUDE OVER THE PHONE: (O.S.) What are the symptoms? SUSIE: (over the phone, fearful) He's puking up everything he eats, he's slurring his speech- DUDE OVER THE PHONE: (O.S.) Say no more. We'll have you come over in a week. (Transition (SUSIE appears out of nowhere, in the exact center of the screen, running super quickly toward the screen, screaming very loudly. She bangs into the screen, falling over, transitioning to the next scene.) to: K.O., SARALINE, FINK, MATT, HERB COOKIE, SUSIE and MASTER FROWN doing a Fortnite tournament in the living room.) K.O.: Guys, I don't think I can play Fortnite with y'all today, but I got a good reason. I'm dying. MASTER FROWN: (flabbergasted) That's the lamest excuse I've heard since... since... K.O.: But I'm really dying. (coughs) I have a p-paper to pro- SUSIE: He's able to prove it. No shit. SARALINE: Hand over that shit, bro. (SUSIE hands SARALINE a piece of paper.) SARALINE: (flabbergasted) My god! LIGMA! You're free to forfeit from the tournament, you brave bastard. (Cut to: UNIKITTY running towards SUSIE.) UNIKITTY: (upset) SUSIE! Some doctor just called and he said that K.O. is dying! SUSIE: Calm down, dude. K.O. is not actually dying. That's just some stupid lie we made up so our show can stay on air! Your face was pretty dang priceless when you thought he was, though! UNIKITTY: (mortified) You're a monster. SUSIE: K.O. was in on it the whole time, but go off. (Cut to: a time card with "the next day" written in black-colored Comic Sans on a white background.) (Cut to: SUSIE and K.O. at the hospital, where some Make-A-Wish doctors are.) MAKE-A-WISH DOCTOR 1: Why, that's the sickest boy I've ever seen! SUSIE: I know, he's in terrible condition. MAKE-A-WISH DOCTOR 2: There's no cure for this 'ligma', you said? SUSIE: Yes, that is true. It's worse than Sugondese and Updog combined. MAKE-A-WISH DOCTOR 2: Sweet baby Jesus! SUSIE: HEY! No using the lord's name in vain! Category:Stuff by PixelMiette Category:Shitpost (TV series)